Abram the exalted father

Genesis 17  Rest in His grace. Where is the peace and security in this passage or if you don’t see it in this passage then in your knowledge of God’s larger plan of redemption and Christ’s work?

17:2 And I will establish My covenant between Me and you, and I will multiply you exceedingly.”

God didn’t say a covenant.  He said My.  I perceive this as singular.  As if He is saying, the only one that matters.  It has eternal implications.

Abram means: exalted father.  He was called exalted father all his life.  He was called exalted father in his 20s and 30s, when having children was normal.  He was called exalted father into his 40s and 50s when his parents started questioning their family legacy.  He was called exalted father into his 70s and 80s, when his friend’s were becoming grandparents.  As his parents passed.  While Sarai remained barren.  

What bitterness did he struggle with? What were his prayers for mercy? For forgiveness?

Abram and Sarai were not the only childless couple in their era, nor would they be the last.  Hannah came long after Sarai.  Gideon’s unnamed mother followed her.  Jesus met the woman who hadn't ceased hemorrhaging.  Isaiah spoke of childless women in chapter 54,

“Shout for joy, O barren one, you who have borne no child; Break forth into joyful shouting and cry aloud, you who have not travailed; For the sons of the desolate one will be more numerous Than the sons of the married woman,” says the Lord.

“Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.

He no doubt spoke of the covenant  and of Sarai.  I think he also spoke from personal perspective, seeing women around him who endured childless seasons and lifetimes.

My name is Amanda.  It is the Latin word for loveable and some translations attribute its meaning as worthy of love.  I know the juxtaposition Abram has lived with his name.  Tearfully, I confessed recently that I do not see myself as someone who is worthy of love.  

We would not point a finger at Abram, saying he did not deserve to be an exalted father just as you would not point your finger at me, saying I am not worth of love.  

This is the place of grace.  God’s undeserved favor could have been seen in Abram’s life as it Hannah’s was: in the gift of a promised child.  God was endlessly gracious to Abraham, giving him the name and covenant of being a father of a multitude.  God has been endlessly gracious to me.  I am not worthy of love.  No, this isn't a statement of humility or even one of self-degradation.  I, left to my own ways, curse the name of God, defile my body with addictive behaviors, and waste away my days as if there is an endless supply of them.  It is because of His grace I was saved.  It is in His undeserved favor that I have been made worthy of love.  He does not desire for me to stay in the place where I feel unworthy of love.  Just like He changed Abraham, His covenant love has changed me.

The checklist

By my own standards, I’ve had a very successful week.  I had a tremendously romantic and special time with Hervey before he left (indefinitely) for Haiti.  I set a goal that I would wake up to work out every morning before work and I did it.  I used extra time in the morning for my devotionals.  I ate (fairly) healthy.  Used extra time in the evening to read more of the Bible.  Had enough time to be lazy and relax.  On top of all that, work was fairly easy.  By all accounts: fantastic.  Yet every night at bedtime, I fell asleep with my old friend the mental checklist.  I would run through the day, ticking the boxes of achievement.  Surprisingly, when I got to the end with every little box checked, I felt more empty that when I had left most of the boxes unchecked.  

Make no mistake, this week was not without sin.  I had faithfully invited the Spirit to reveal my sin and in obedience, confessed it.  Still the emptiness persisted, and it left a stain of guilt.  The combination drove me away from Jesus.  I self medicated by not working out and eating very unhealthily.  He is merciful.  Tonight, He had had enough of my wanderings and He called me to Himself.

Search me and know me, Lord.  

The Spirit answered:  Nothing can add to or take away from His love for me (Rom 8:38-39, 1 John 4:10-19).  Everything in my life has been known from the beginning (Psalm 139).  He chose me.  He will love me the same with or without the checklist because at the cross Jesus said three words: It is finished.  After He said those three words, He lived them.  He conquered death.  He returned to the right hand of the Father.  He waits to reclaim His bride.  That is the standard by which I measure my life for it is the hope of my heart.

My checklist represents my worthiness of Christ’s love.  The impression I give myself is that I’ve earned His love if I tick all the boxes.  What this has reminded me is my utter unworthiness of His love and even more that He loves me without hesitation.  It is finished.

Psalm fiftyonetwelve

Restore to me the the joy of my salvation.  Several days ago, I implored You, Father, to restore to me the joy of my salvation.  You asked me in return, "What was the joy of my salvation?" I did not have an answer.  I spoke to Talin today. Your Spirit spoke straight to my heart. The answer is heartbreakingly simple.

Knowing You. Knowing You is the joy of my salvation. The joy of salvation is knowing You as my Savior. Know You as the lover of my soul.

Despite my inability to perfectly detail my recent spiritual struggles (due to my poor Spanish vocabulary), she went on to speak the words I longed to hear.  Seek Him everyday and rest in His permanence.  His permanence never wanes, never varies, never changes. Allow His permanence to sustain me. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.  Hebrew 13:8.  It is only my feelings which change every day.  My fatigue varies from day to day.

He is Yahweh.  He is I am.  He is existence.  

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:34 The Lord has allotted me a certain amount of time on this earth for His glory.  

Jesus says, today is all you have.  24 hrs or less.